


Here's to the heartbreak

by KalexandraDanvers



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Break Up, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Explicit Language, F/F, Getting Back Together, Happy Ending, Heartache, Heartbreak, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Kalex, Lesbian Kara Danvers, Mild Smut, Pseudo-Incest, Sad, Sappy Ending, Secret Relationship, Sibling Incest, Sister/Sister Incest
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-15
Updated: 2021-01-20
Packaged: 2021-03-09 23:48:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,067
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27954908
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KalexandraDanvers/pseuds/KalexandraDanvers
Summary: After a long, stressful day at work, Alex was looking forward to going to home, to Kara, but when she gets there she finds that Kara, and all of her things, are gone, and there's a note explaining she's left, and isn't planning on coming back.
Relationships: Alex Danvers/Kara Danvers, Lucy Lane/James "Jimmy" Olsen
Comments: 20
Kudos: 45





	1. Chapter 1

It had been a very long day at work, three alien prisoners managed to escape and the D.E.O went into lockdown until they were recaptured, a fire broke out in the labs, twice, Winn somehow managed to shoot himself in the leg, and they had no supergirl to help them with any of it. Kara had requested the day off, which was a little strange but fair, she gave most of her days, and nights, to both of her jobs so some time off was well deserved. _Still though it would've been nice to have had her help, or to have seen her,_ Alex thought as she pulled into the parking lot of her and Kara's apartment.

Kara had been distant lately, ever since the fight they'd had last week, and Alex couldn't really blame her, it was the same fight they'd been having on and off for their whole relationship. Their whole secret relationship. Nobody knew about them, not their mother, their friends, coworkers, nobody. (well except maybe J'onn, but he is a literal mind-reader so it's pretty hard to keep secrets from him, if he did know about them though, he never let on that he did) That's what the fight - the fights - were about; them being a secret. Alex was openly gay, and though that has varying degrees of acceptance depending on the person or place, it was generally viewed by most as being fine, openly being in a romantic and sexual relationship with your sister however, was not. So, Alex preferred they be a secret, Kara didn't.

Even with that though Alex wasn't necessarily unhappy, the arguments and fighting didn't make her happy by any means, but being with Kara did, she loved her, and Alex knew Kara loved her too. Alex also knew that was part of the reason why Kara didn't want them to be a secret, she wanted everybody to be know that she loved Alex, that she was her person, and vice versa. Alex wanted that too but she also understood the complexities of their relationship, and the effects that would come with being open about it, she just wished Kara did too. 

Alex sighed and turned the car off, she pulled the keys from the ignition and pocketed them, she then opened the door and stepped out of the car, closing the door behind her, Alex made her way into the lobby of the apartment building and waited for the elevator after pressing it's call button. She was a bit nervous, she always was when she came home, at least lately, she was afraid of her and Kara having another argument, of it being their last. On the other hand though she was also looking forward to seeing Kara and getting to spend some alone time together, she hadn't seen her all day today, and last night they were both busy with work, even though they were technically working together, they didn't see much of each other, and definitely didn't get any alone time, the night before that was the same, as was the night before that. 

Alex felt her heart speed up a bit as the elevator stopped and it's doors opened, she made her way to the end of the hall and opened the door to her and Kara's apartment. Alex fumbled with the keys for a few seconds before finding the right one, with it in hand she unlocked the door and stepped inside, she had expected to hear some kind of noise or to see Kara, but didn't, which was a bit odd but not overly so, after all Kara could be just sleeping or something. Alex closed the door and locked it, she took of her jacket and tossed it onto the couch, she was about to walk into the kitchen to grab a drink when she noticed something on the coffee table. Moving closer Alex could see it was a letter, with her name written across its unsealed envelope. Out of curiosity, Alex opened it up, she wasn't ready for what the letter said. 

_"Dear Alex,_

 _I'm so very sorry to do this in a letter, I was going to say it to you, I had planned to, but apparently I'm a coward and I'm sorry for that. I love you, more than anything, or anyone, and that makes this hurt more than anything else I've done, but I have to do it. I'm leaving, I'll be gone by the time you read this, I won't be coming back. I don't want to this Alex but I can't carry on like we've been, I just can't. I love you, so much, a_ _nd it hurts to feel like you don't love me, or yourself, as much as I do. It hurts that we're not real. I want us to be real, to be open and out, and I understand you don't want that or you're not ready for that, and that's okay but I need you to understand that I want that, that I deserve that. I deserve someone who is proud and happy to be with me and that I can be proud and happy with, and it breaks my heart that it can't be you. I wanted it be you. I'll always want it to be you. But it isn't, and that hurts but it's okay. I can't force you to be ready, and I don't want to. I want to be with somebody who is ready, I want to be with somebody who loves me as much as I love them, and again I wish that was you but it isn't, so, im sorry but this this is good-bye. I'll never stop loving you, I promise._

_Yours always, Kara"_

Alex bit the bottom left corner of her lip as she read the note in an effort to stop from crying but when she was done reading it she couldn't fight back her tears. Alex looked down at the letter in her hands through bleary eyes; it didn't feel real, it couldn't be real. Alex's denial was brief, the letter in her hands and the lack of Kara's presence proved it was real. Alex sniffled and wiped away her tears before standing and going into the kitchen. Alex pulled open the freezer and pulled out a bottle of scotch she'd been saving, she peeled off the plastic around the cap, opened it, and took a long, deep drink from the bottle. Alex closed the freezer door and went back to the living room, she at down on the couch, bottle in hand, and cried a bit more before drinking again. After about half the bottle was gone Alex set it down on the coffee table and curled up into a ball on the couch to cry for a while. 

Alex wasn't sure how long she'd lain there sobbing, but it'd likely been a while, she was now very much feeling like she'd downed half a bottle of scotch in less than 5 minutes, and the sun had completely set, it's red-orange light replaced the moons pale. Alex shakily wiped her face before grabbing the bottle again, she opened it and started drinking, she stopped when there was about a quarter of the original fifth left.

Alex looked at the bottle blankly for a short while before deciding to go lay down, she stood up and headed towards her and Kara's bedroom. The thought that it was now just her bedroom hurt like hell, Alex decided to ignore the stabbing pain in her chest at the thought and drank a little more. Almost immediately after entering the room Alex started crying again; Kara's stuff was gone, all of it her too-fluffy pink blanket Alex pretended to hate, her pride pillow, the tiny little neko atsume cat she insisted on sleeping with, her nightstand was cleared off, a quick check confirmed all her clothes were also gone, as was her toothbrush, and what little bit of jewelry she had. 

Alex had figured her stuff would be gone, just as Kara herself was, but seeing it made it feel all the more real. Kara was gone. She wasn't coming back. Alex finished the rest of the bottle, dropped it, and crawled into bed. She tried to ignore how empty it felt, but she couldn't, she'd spent years sleeping by Kara's side and it was painfully apparent she wasn't there. Kara wouldn't be there ever again. Alex vainly tried to sleep and cried in bed a while before deciding to just go sleep on the couch. Before laying back down Alex stumbled back into the kitchen and grabbed a half empty bottle of Boones Farm out of the fridge and finished it off on the kitchen floor, she struggled back up to her feet and set the empty bottle down on the kitchen counter. After making it back to the couch Alex dropped down onto it and cried herself to sleep, that night she dreamt of Kara, and better days. 

***

When Lucy opened the door one of the last people she had expected to see standing there was Kara, nor had she expected to her to be crying and holding an incredibly fluffy and fuzzy pink blanket, what appeared to be a lesbian pride flag pillow, and a tiny plush cat. Lucy stared at her a little dumfounded for a moment before finding her words. 

"Kara, are you okay? What's going on?" 

Kara sniffled and looked away. "I...we broke up and I..." Kara started crying again. "I'm sorry I..." Kara choked on her words and was now full on sobbing. 

"Hey, hey, hey, woah it's okay, okay?" Lucy stepped outside and reassuringly placed a hand on Kara's shoulder. "Calm down, it's okay." She squeezed and rubbed Kara's shoulder soothingly. 

"O-okay, it's okay..." Kara said more to herself than to Lucy.

"Yeah, see? Now why don't you come inside and sit down and explain what's wrong, okay?" Lucy smiled reassuringly at Kara. Kara nodded and followed Lucy inside. They sat down on the couch together, and after Kara composed herself Lucy asked her "What's going on Kara?" 

"We broke up...and I don't have anywhere to stay, except for my moms but than I'd have to..." Kara choked back a sob. "I'd have to tell her what's wrong and I can't because..." Kara began crying again. 

"Hey, it's okay, shh, it's alright." 

"No it's not...I, I loved her, I _love_ her and she..." Kara trailed off, she was tearing up, and also realized she'd said too much. 

Lucy's eyes were wide. Did Kara just say...? "Wait, hang on I'm sorry, her?" 

Kara nervously bit her lip and looked away. 

_Well, that explains the pillow,_ Lucy thought. "I'm sorry Kara I just didn't um, I didn't know that you were- that you liked girls." 

Kara was silent but did turn back to face her, Lucy noted that she looked afraid. 

"I, there's nothing wrong with that I'm just surprised is all, I-I'm sorry." 

"S'okay..." Kara mumbled. "Doesn't really matter anymore anyways..." 

"What do you mean?" 

"Like I said, we...we broke up...I, uh, it...it doesn't matter. I'm sorry." 

"You've got nothing to be sorry to me about Kara, it's okay." 

Kara audibly swallowed and looked away once again. "Yeah I do, I just showed up here and dropped this all on you, I-" 

"It's okay. Really." Lucy smiled at Kara, though she couldn't see it. 

Kara hazarded a glance back at her. "Are-are you sure?" 

"Of course, I mean what are friends for right?" Lucy said, still smiling. 

"Thank you..." 

"You don't need to thank me. Do you want to talk about it?" 

Kara nodded. "I...not really, not right now anyway."

"That's okay, whenever you're ready, or if you want we don't have to talk about it. Okay?" 

Kara nodded. "I-Can I ask you a favor though?" 

"Yeah, and I can kinda guess what it is, and yes, you can stay here tonight. You can crash on the couch as long you need." 

"Thank you Lucy, seriously." Kara gave a weak smile. 

"It's no trouble, like I said, what are friends for right?" Lucy was happy to see Kara smile again.

"You're sure it's no trouble? James won't mind?"

"It's seriously fine." Lucy said. "I promise, and I promise he won't." 

"Okay." Kara gave another, slightly stronger smile. 

"Do you want me to leave?" Lucy asked. "You're probably tired, do you need anything? Another blanket or pillow?" 

Kara shook her head. "I don't need anything, and...yeah...I, I think I wanna be alone for a little bit. Thank you again Lucy. G-goodnight." Kara gave the closest she was probably going to get to her trademark smile tonight, Lucy took that as a good sign.

"Your welcome Kara, goodnight." 

Kara watched as Lucy walked away, and once she was gone she curled up on the couch under her blanket and started crying again, silently this time, she didn't want to bother or worry Lucy and James. Kara kept crying until she eventually managed to fall asleep a couple of hours later. That night she dreamt of Alex and all the things she wanted them to be together. 


	2. Chapter 2

Their bed didn't feel the same without the both of them in it. Alex was curled up into a ball on Kara's side of the bed, her head was spinning and she felt like her stomach was melting but she didn't care right now, in the morning her attitude on that would probably change, but right now all she cared about was cuddling Kara's left behind blanket and pillow. Hard as she tried not to Alex couldn't help but cry, it had only been a few hours but she missed Kara terribly. They'd been together for years, they'd slept next to each other for years, but not tonight, no, tonight Alex slept alone, and that was very hard for her to take.

As Alex lay there, crying and sobbing into Kara's pillow, she couldn't help but think about her; where she was now, why she'd left, all the time and years they'd spent together, and how they got together in the first place. Alex loved Kara, more than anything else in the world, and losing her hurt like hell, the whole reason they were even a couple in the first place was because she'd almost lost Kara...and now she had, albeit in a different way. It seemed so long ago now, but it was only three years ago that they'd gotten together, three years since Kara was seriously hurt, and almost died and Alex had slipped up and revealed her true feelings for her so-called "sister." Alex's mind now drifted towards those memories...

*3 years ago* 

"Where is she!?" Alex demanded as she tried to shove past the agents between her and the med-bay. 

"Alex" J'onn's voice came from just behind her.

"Let me through!" Alex vainly tried to force her way past the group of agents between her and the med-bay.

"Alex" J'onn repeated. 

"What!?" Alex shouted as she spun around. 

"Kara's okay, sh-" 

"Then let me see her!" Alex once again tried forcing her way through the crowd she now just realized was there specifically to stop her. 

"She will be okay, the doctors are operating right now you can't-" 

"Fuck that! And fuck you too! Let me see her, now! She's my si-I...just let me through!" Alex was on the verge of tears. "Please! Please, I need her, I can't..." Alex shook her head, tears were welling in her eyes and then she collapsed, just let herself drop down onto the floor, and started sobbing, hard. 

J'onn sat down next to her and wrapped her up in a hug. "She's going to be fine Alex, I promise. Our doctors are good at their jobs, any moment now they'll come out here and tell us she's just fine." 

"When we brought her in they said she should've been dead! That she was probably going...You really expect me to think they're gonna just come out and say she's fine!?" Alex brushed J'onn's arms off of her. "I...I can't lose her...I can't..." Alex shook her head and started rocking back and forth slowly. "I need her, I...I love...she-she's my sister I can't lose her J'onn..."

"You're not going to, Alex, Kara _will_ be-"

"YOU DON'T KNOW THAT!" Alex screamed, attracting more than a few glances.

"Alex. please calm dow-"

Alex hopped up to her feet. "Don't. Do NOT tell me to calm down! You won't even let me see her!" 

"Alex you can't, the doctors are operating right now, as soon as they are done-"

"No! Not good enough, I NEED to see her J'onn, please! Please just let me...let me see her...please..." Alex pleaded. She sounded defeated, she knew J'onn wouldn't let her.

"Okay."

"Okay?" Alex looked very much confused. "You mean...?"

"Yes. We can't go inside though Alex."

"Bullshit." 

"Alex..." J'onn sighed.

"J'onn." Alex narrowed her eyes.

J'onn sighed again and rubbed the bridge of his nose. "Okay, fine...but you stay in the back of the room and don't bother the doctors, deal?"

"Deal." Alex nodded, she helped J'onn up and together they walked past the group of agents formerly preventing her from entering the med-bay. 

Alex and J'onn slowly entered the operating room and made their way to the back of the room, they watched as the team of doctors worked on an unconscious Kara. She'd been badly injured, their previous fight had nearly resulted in Kara's death, and still potentially could. Somehow, someway, the piece of shit alien they were after, and it's accomplices, had managed to get their hands on some kryptonite and fashioned a bomb with it. That bomb had exploded right in front of Kara and sent shrapnel all throughout her body. Small to medium sized shards of kryptonite were embedded throughout her chest, stomach area, arms, legs, a few in each shoulder and one had even struck her in the neck. It was a miracle she survived the initial blast, let alone the trip back to D.E.O headquarters. It'd be another miracle if she survived surgery, Alex knew that, and despite all his reassurances, J'onn knew it too. There was nothing they could do but wait, and hope, so that's what they did. 

After a couple of hours of touch-and-go surgery the doctors announced they were done, and that Kara was going to make it after all. Alex was more than relieved, she felt like a thousand pound weight was lifted from her shoulders, and off of her chest. J'onn was also relieved, greatly so, but he sensed Alex wanted to be alone with Kara, so he nodded his goodbye to Alex and left the room as quietly as he could. Alex wiped away a few tears and slowly approached the bed the doctors had moved Kara onto. Kara was still unconscious and likely would be for a while but Alex didn't plan on going anywhere, she grabbed a chair and rested her head atop her arms and Kara's bed, tired as she was she didn't plan on sleeping until after Kara woke up.

After another hour and a half Kara finally awoke, Alex who was half-asleep immediately sprung up, startling Kara, Alex threw her arms around Kara and began bawling. A very stunned Kara lightly wrapped her arms around Alex's back so as not to hurt her, or herself; she was in a hell of a lot of pain, and Alex wasn't helping any but Kara wouldn't dream of letting her go right now. "You stupid idiot." Alex mumbled into Kara's shoulder. "I thought you died...I..." Alex went back to sobbing. Kara swallowed heavily, she could only imagine what Alex must have gone through. "I-" Kara started, but was immediately interrupted by Alex. "Shush!" Alex clung to her tighter, as weak as she was Kara could definitely feel it. "Just let me hold you..." Alex softened her grip around Kara but still clung tightly. Kara blushed, she didn't know of Alex had meant it that way, but it sounded a bit...intimate, as was the way Alex was holding her, but Kara decided to chalk it up to high emotions and the situation. However, Alex's warm breath on her neck, and her own hands resting around Alex's waist made it hard for Kara to think straight. 

"I'm sorry." Kara blurted out. "Allie, I-"

"I said shush! And you don't need to be sorry idiot, just please don't do that again. Okay?"

"It's not like I was trying to get blown up you know." Kara gave a soft half-chuckle.

Alex smacked her back. "This isn't the time for jokes! I...I seen what happened, all the blood...I-I thought you were dead! Then the doctors kept saying you weren't gonna make it, and you flat-lined, twice! I thought-"

Kara shushed Alex this time, softly, and grabbed hold of her wrist, she moved Alex's hand to her chest. "Do you feel that?" Kara asked, her voice just above a whisper. Alex nodded. "Then I'm not dead, my hearts still beating. I'm okay Allie, I promise. I also promise to try not to get almost killed again. Okay?" Alex nodded again, she moved her head and rested her forehead against Kara's. "Kara I...there's something I want to tell, uh, nev-um...I..." Alex swallowed hard, looked straight down at the ground and stopped talking.

"What is it?" Kara asked. Alex gave no reply, so Kara lifted her head up by her chin so as to look her in the eyes. "Alex, what is it?" Kara asked softly, her eyes full of concern and curiosity. Alec blinked a few times but didn't say anything. Kara took Alex's hands in her own and repeated her question. "What is it? What do you want to tell me?" Alex sighed and looked away. 

"I can't..." Was all she said.

"Can't what? Tell me?" Kara asked, to which Alex nodded. "Why not?" 

"I...just I can't okay? You...you'll...it'll ruin everything, and I can't...I need you..." Despite some initial resistance, Alex managed to get her hands free from Kara's and she took a step back. Wiping her eyes Alex looked at Kara and chewed her lip. "I'm sorry" Alex choked out, a moment later and she was crying.

"Hey, hey, don't-" Kara tried to stand but couldn't manage it, prompting and immediate response from Alex. Alex rushed to the bed and, though a bit hurriedly, still carefully held onto her and settled her back down onto her bed. After Alex didn't step back, and Kara kept a loose grip on the bottom of her shirt as if to stop from doing so, or leaving in general. 

They were close now, as close as they'd been while hugging and holding each other, it was silent for a moment except for the pairs quick and ragged breathing. Sure they'd cuddled, and hugged, and been physically close to the other before but for some reason this felt different, to the both of them. After a few more moments of relative silence Kara finally cleared her throat and spoke. "You don't have to be sorry. For anything. Alright?" Oddly Kara wasn't looking Alex in the eyes anymore, and her voice was rather shaky. 

Alex nodded. "Alright." Alex gasped a bit when Kara suddenly leaned forward to press their foreheads together. 

"What did you want to tell me?" Kara's voice was barely above a whisper. 

Alex sighed shakily and audibly swallowed. "I..." And that was all she managed to get out before her nerves choked her out. 

"Allie, come on, just tell me already. I promise, whatever is won't 'ruin' anything, you're not going to lose me over it. I swear. Please just tell me." Kara had now resumed eye contact, and held it firmly. She very much wanted to know what Alex wanted to say, even more so with each failed attempt. It was obviously important, whether it was bad or not still wasn't clear but it seemed that way from the way Alex had been talking. 

"You don't know that."

Kara sighed. "Allie, come on already. Just-" Then it happened. Alex kissed her. Full on the mouth. Then their bodies were flush together and Alex's kiss deepened, and all Kara could think about was how soft and inviting Alex's lips were. Kara started to kiss back but then realized who she was kissing and snapped herself out of it and tried to pull away. As soon as she did Alex realized what she was doing and jumped back. "Ohmygod! I...I'm sorry! Kara I...I didn't..." Alex panicked, turned on her heel and ran out of the med-bay, then out of the D.E.O itself and ultimately went back to her apartment to freak out in private. Meanwhile Kara sat in bed, stunned and unsure of what just happened or how to handle it. She definitely hadn't expected that, or that she'd actually sort of...like it. Not knowing what to do about, or make of, what had just happened Kara just sat there silently. 

A short time after J'onn came in to make sure everything was okay, he'd seen Alex run out and wasn't sure of what to make of it. "Kara, is everything okay? Is Alex alright?" 

Kara sat stilly and silently, making no indication she even knew J'onn was there. 

"Kara? Are you okay?" J'onn asked, clearly concerned. He moved closer to Kara but stopped when she started to speak.

"I-yeah. I'm uh, fine...I just uh, need um...need to-to...I just need to be by myself right now, I think." Kara cleared her throat and looked away from J'onn. J'onn was conflicted but ultimately decided to leave, though he wasn't going to just write this incident off as nothing, and Kara knew that, but that was a problem for later. 

About two days after the kiss Kara was cleared to leave the med-bay, and after she almost immediately went to Alex's. They needed to talk, whether Alex wanted to or not. Kara stopped at her and Alex's favorite chinese food place on the way and picked up some takeout for them, she figured it would be a long night and she was already hungry. Kara wondered how Alex was going to react, what she'd say, if anything, hell Kara didn't even know what she was going to say. What do you say in this situation? It wasn't exactly your typical everyday situation that was for sure. Kara kept on wondering all the way up until she arrived outside Alex's apartment building. Now, standing outside with several boxes of takeout, Kara began wondering completely different things; should she do this? _Could_ she do this? Kara sighed and decided that she _had_ to this. Stepping off the elevator Kara slowly made her way to Alex's apartment door, she did a cursory check with her x-ray vision to make sure Alex was inside before knocking. 

Alex froze when she heard the knock at her door, she knew who it was. She briefly panicked, and thought of lots of different things to do, try to run, try to jump off the balcony, hide, but none of those were really plausible. Alex sighed, there wasn't really ever going to be a way around this, so she might as well just get it over with. Alex slowly made her way to the door and reluctantly opened it, she was greeted to Kara, flashing a half-hearted smile and holding six takeout containers of what she correctly guessed was chinese food. "Can I come in?" Kara asked politely, her voice was soft and warm. Alex managed a nod and backed away from the door. 

Together they made their way to the couch, and Alex helped Kara set down the takeout on the coffee table before they sat down. After about a minute or so of silence it was clear to Kara that she'd have to start the conversation. "Alex, um, you-you know we have to talk about what happened right?"

Alex visibly tensed but nodded yes. "I...I know."

Kara cleared her throat. "You...you kissed me, Allie. Like full-on kissed me, and I-I uh...I don't know h-how to feel about it or-or what to really say or do I...I never thought that uh, that you *ahem* felt that way a-about me." 

Alex felt her cheeks flare up. 

"I, um, if I would've known you...felt that way I would've..." Kara trailed off. 

Alex looked over at Kara in disbelief. "Would-would've what?" Alex's heart was absolutely racing.

"I don't know. Done something about how I felt about you I guess. Or maybe not, I don't know. I didn't even realize I still uh, that I still had those feelings about you until, well you know, uh, kissed me." Kara was shaking lightly, her heart was racing, and her cheeks were ruby red. She almost couldn't believe she just confessed her feelings for Alex like that, nor could Alex. 

Alex just sat there too stunned to move, let alone speak. She just stared at Kara with wide eyes, she was holding her breath like she'd forgotten how to breathe and her heart was beating so fast and loud Kara reckoned she wouldn't even need her super-hearing to be able to hear it. Alex was kind of freaking out to say the least, she'd briefly thought this was all some kind of dream or illusion or something but it felt way too real to not be. After almost a full of stunned silence Alex was able to collect herself enough to speak. "Di-did you just say that you have feelings for me?" She asked. 

"I did, yeah." Kara replied. 

"Okay...just uh, checking..." Alex nodded her head, continuously for at least 15 seconds before speaking again. "So, how, uh, long? Have you, you know..." Alex swallowed hard, she felt so incredibly awkward asking that, she felt like she was a silly teenager again, but she had to know. 

"I don't know, I guess most the time I've been here." Kara shrugged. "Like I said I didn't really realize I even still felt that way 'till you kissed me. I uh..." Kara chuckled. "When I first came to stay with you I didn't understand why; I knew how things worked on Krypton, not on Earth. So I was confused, and I asked Kal why I was staying with you, and Eliza and Jeremiah and not him, I mean he was my family right? So it made sense to me to live with him, but not to live with you because we weren't family. Plain and simple. Then Kal eloquently explained that I'd be joining your house, I'd even be taking your family's name. So based on that I assumed we'd, you and I, would be, well...bonded. I mean it made sense right? How else do you join someones house? We didn't have adoption on Krypton, joining another house was done through bonding and so I figured, naturally, that you were to be my bond-mate." 

Kara rubbed the back of her neck a bit, Alex yet again seemed too shocked to speak. "I...I spent the first 6 months-ish or so thinking we were gonna be bonded. I was really happy and excited about that, I mean not at first but that's because I thought you hated me for the first couple months I lived with you. I thought you were disappointed and upset that I was your bond-mate because the house of El was gone, and I had nothing worthwhile to contribute. You didn't even start calling me your sister until I'd been with you almost four months..." 

Alex sighed and looked away. "I'm sorry about that Kara I-" 

"I know, and it's okay." For a few moments they were both silent, then Kara continued. "I thought the sister was kinda weird but I kept letting myself think we were gonna be bonded. By that point I really liked you, even if you had only started to like me. I grew to like you more and more as time went on and then...then you went on a date. With some boy." Kara made a disgusted grunting noise. "That's when I realized that we weren't going to be bonded, we never were, I called Kal that night crying and he explained it to me, much better this time. After that I still hoped you might 'like' me, at least eventually, but then I came to understand more about sexuality and I didn't think you were gay, or even bi, so I didn't think there was a chance you'd ever like me back. So I tried to move even, and I thought I did, but I...I guess I haven't really." 

Alex was not ready for today. Almost every goddamn thing Kara had told her made her feel even more shocked than the last. This was alot to process, Kara had and has feelings for her, like romantic style feelings and she's had them for years now. She thought they were gonna get married. That one made Alex feel lightheaded; Kara had wanted to marry her, well bond, but it was basically the same thing. Alex could barely believe it. 

"So wait you...you still uh, still have feelings for me?" Alex asked, she was still having a bit of trouble believing all this. 

"Yeah, I do." Kara felt herself blush, which made her feel like a smitten schoolgirl, which only made her blush more, which only made her feel even more like a silly smitten schoolgirl. It was a vicious cycle. 

"Huh." Was Alex responded. 

"Huh?" Kara raised an eyebrow. 

"Huh." Alex repeated. 

"Wha-what's that supposed to mean? Are you okay?" 

Alex nodded. "Yeah, yeah I think so." 

"You sure? 'Cos right now you're just sort of nodding and staring at nothing." 

"Huh?" 

Kara threw her hands up. "For the love of Rao..." Kara sighed. "Alex!?" 

"Yeah?" Alex blinked a few times then focused her eyes on Kara. 

"Seriously are you okay?" 

"Yes. I'm fine. I promise. I'm just...processing still I guess. I...I just...I don't know, kinda can't believe it you know? I uh, I've had a crush, or whatever, on you for years. I just can't believe that, for most of that time, you felt the same way and I never knew." 

Alex laughed dryly. "I uh, guess it's my turn now right? So yeah, um, I went out with that boy, I can't even really remember his name-" 

"It was Gary."

"What?" Alex laughed. "Really? I don't think it wa-" 

"No, it definitely was. Gary Neilson." Kara folded her arms across her chest. "Rao I hated him..." She muttered. 

Alex laughed a little more and rolled her eyes. "Okay so after I went out with Gary, I realized I didn't like it, or him. I was supposed to like it; all my friends liked going on dates with boys, so I should too, but I didn't. So I thought 'oh well, I must've not actually liked Gary that much, that's gotta be why' but after more dates with more boys I still didn't like it or any of them like I thought I should. It was weird, to me anyway. I uh, I kept thinking about...you, and Vicki, and how much I liked hanging out with you, with girls in general. I kept thinking about how pretty girls were, especially you and Vicki and how I loved spending time with you and her and-and then I thought about how if we'd gone out like that I probably would've liked it. That freaked me out a bit, but I chalked it up to a million other things...I-I realized even then what that could mean..." 

Alex nervously rubbed her neck, then cleared her throat before continuing. "So, a little while after that I was talking to this boy, and I thought he was gonna ask me out but instead he kept asking about you...and I realized he wanted to go out with you, and that he liked you and I got _really_ upset. At first I thought it was because you were my sister and I was just being overly protective but um, I was upset because he wanted to go out with you and that he liked you and uh, so, um, so did I. I wanted you all to myself, I didn't want to share you with anyone, especially some stupid boy. I tried convincing myself it was because we were sisters, and we were really close, but I couldn't stop thinking about him asking you out and you saying yes and the two of you kissing and...and I got mad and jealous and then the thought came back around again "Am I gay?" And I didn't want to be gay, I couldn't be gay. I didn't have a crush on my sister and I wasn't gay; that's what I kept telling myself. It wasn't true obviously, but at the time I wanted it to be. And if I wasn't gay, well then I _couldn't_ have a crush on my sister, right? So yeah, there it is...I was in denial and I was for years. Until I met Maggie I...I'd almost forgotten I ever even had a crush on you. After I started going out with her, I kept thinking about you, and how I used to feel about and how I still felt about you. I never thought that you'd ever feel...I didn't even think you liked girls...so I tried to put it out of my mind but everytime I seen you it just bubbled back up so I started avoiding you a bit...I missed Earth birthday, I blew you off for Maggie, over and over and I'm so sorry for that Kara. I...I wasn't trying to hurt you..." 

Kara rested a hand on Alex's knee and squeezed it lightly. "I know. It's okay, Allie." 

Alex smiled but didn't look happy. "You know that's uh, that's why we broke up, me and Maggie I mean. Because of how I felt about you...she, she figured it out or maybe always knew I don't know but that's why. She said that I would never love her like I do you..." Alex forced a melancholic chuckle. "She was right though." Alex looked down at Kara's hand and laid her own over it. 

"Allie?" Kara asked softly. Alex looked up to meet her eyes. 

"Yeah?" Alex responded quietly. Kara stared at her for a few moments before glancing down at her lips, and leaning in for them. Alex, in an incredibly cheesy rom-com move, leaned in to meet her halfway. The kiss was quick but passionate, after pulling back they each laughed a little then leaned back in for another kiss. And another one. And another. And then Kara was in Alex's lap, pressing her down into the couch. Alex's hands somehow found their way under Kara's shirt and were soon pulling it over her head. Before either of them knew it they were both topless and braless and making out on the couch. When Alex's right hand slipped under Kara's jeans they both stopped, and realized what they were doing. 

"We uh, we should stop or at leas, uh, slow down right?" Kara asked. 

Alex nodded deftly. "Right..." 

They started kissing again. "Should totally..." Kara moaned as Alex's hand slid into her panties. "Slow down..." They were her own words but Alex wasn't listening to them, instead she teased Kara's clit, eliciting more very enticing and exciting sounds from Kara. Alex started to retract her hand but Kara stopped her, she grabbed hold of Alex's wrist and looked her straight in the eye. "Don't." Was all she said, and it was all Alex needed to hear. 

Alex, now overwhelmed by lust, slipped her fingers deep inside Kara, it wasn't the most graceful entry but neither of them cared at this point. Kara cried out as Alex massaged her walls and explored further. Alex felt like she'd cum just from doing this to Kara, her insides were warm, moist, and inviting. Alex pulled her fingers out, making a lewd 'pop' sound as she did, and stuck them in her mouth...she had to taste Kara. "Fuck..." Alex moaned, she cleaned Kara's juices from her fingers and put them back inside of Kara. "I want you to cum all over my fucking hand." Alex groaned as she started vigorously finger-fucking her younger sister. It didn't take long for Kara to oblige her. Alex greedily licked and 'cleaned' her hand before kissing Kara. "Fuck that was...wow." She muttered, Kara silently nodded her agreement. 

"What happened to slowing down?" Kara joked. They both laughed. 

"Yeah, sorry I kinda...got carried away a bit, I guess." 

Kara laughed again. "It's okay, so did I." She kissed Alex. "So I guess it's your turn then?" Kara smirked. Alex blushed. Then they were in Alex's room, on her bed, Kara had brought them both there, and somehow along the way Alex had lost her pants and panties. "Rao you're pretty..." Kara murmured. 

Alex felt herself blush again. "Don't talk to my vagina Kar..." She laughed, so did Kara. 

"But it's so pretty!" Kara giggled. She kissed Alex's pussy several times, causing Alex to gasp and moan each time she did. It didn't take long for Kara to start licking, and sucking Alex's clit, or for Alex to cum. Kara however wasn't finished and kept eating her sisters pussy. Alex came three more times before Kara was done eating her out and tongue-fucking her. She was exhausted, hell the both kinda were, and soon they were cuddling and kissing under the covers until they fell asleep. 

***

Things seemed so much simpler back then, they wouldn't for long, but that night, those first couple of months, they were. Alex remembered those first few months fondly, and all the fun they'd had, and how they wouldn't have fun like that ever again. Or so she thought. But that didn't mean she was just going to give up, no...tomorrow, yeah, tomorrow she'd prove just how much she loved Kara, and tonight, she'd dream of better days. 


End file.
